A fuck-that stamp

Tell those thoughts who’s boss

There are thoughts so persistent that it feels like there’s no hope getting them out of my mind. Usually these kinds of sticky thoughts are cringe memories where I replay something I’ve said or done as if it were a 24-hr movie marathon. I’ve found these shame thoughts to be so persistent that my deepest dives into mindfulness do not free me from their pestering.

I’ll cycle through all the tricks, to no avail:

• Noting the thought helps in letting it go but it comes right back

• Accepting the thought as “just a thought” works for a moment but then it grows into my whole reality again

• Avoiding the thought? Impossible! It’s the salesperson that keeps knocking at the door.

This is when I employ a non-traditional visual for my meditation. I picture an ungainly librarian style stamp. It has been freshly pressed into a scarlet ink pad. The stamp hovers directly over my thought.

Then I slam the stamp down. It leaves in big red inky letters across the expanse of my thought, “Fuck That.”

Fuck that about feeling crushed when I spoke up in the meeting. My idea wasn't popular but had legs. Fuck that about feeling guilty for asking for time off. I've earned that break! Fuck that about wanting to disappear when I started a joke and lost the punchline halfway. Just fuck it all. Self-acceptance means telling those anti-me thoughts to fuck right off.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Somehow once it’s labeled I can let it go. If it comes back, I stamp it again. Not my belief, not my reality. It feels good to put space between me and the thoughts.

Of course, this method is antithetical to all of the mindfulness training I’ve done which cautions rejecting thoughts because it can “create tension in the mind.”

But fuck that! It works for me.