It’s a wonderful life
Anxiety clouds our vision and our reality
Have you ever glimpsed your life as if it weren’t yours?
Not in an “Wow, pinch me!” moment when your life is having a magical day. More of a realization that your life isn’t actually as terrifying or bad or overwhelming as you thought it was.
It’s happened to me before. I’ll be forehead deep in a cloud of anxiety when I’ll catch sight of another life. A life running parallel to my anxious experience. One that is abundant, blissful, and vibrant. A child laughing in the living room - oblivious to the clutter and chaos of mail, dishes, and groceries on every surface. Or a mom closing her computer with a smile and having the energy to roast fish for dinner. A pink sunset galloping through the house as people kiss cheeks. It’s so beautiful!
In this other life-shockingly it’s my house, family, job, the same weather, and even my uneven hair cut with which this other wonderful experience is taking place. So where am I?
I’m living in my fear.
I’ve heard this distance living referred to depressingly as a psuedo-existence. I think of it more as a damned distraction. Like a car alarm down the street or a blaring game on someone else’s phone, anxiety distracts us from where we actually want to be. It steals focus.
So we must steal it back.
Anxiety gets a hold on us when we hit little potholes on the road of life. Each perceived threat or real complication can create a spin out of thought that keeps us pinned to a “What if this gets worse” layer of existence. But we can grab hold of reality if we accept being here. Accept the potholes as they come.
Once a friend was worried about asking for a napkin at a group dinner. They ate the whole meal being a full mess. After they told me, I asked “Why didn’t you just say something?” To which they replied “I didn’t want to be an inconvenience.”
Life is one big inconvenience. The prize for dealing with life is that you get to live it.
When we aren’t focusing on every breath, every subtext, every catastrophic possibility we can actually take stock of the present. We can see the glow of miraculous living.
Holding on to fear is what enables the distance between our actual reality and an anxiety-warped imposter. I am letting my fear go.
In its place I will embrace life.
I hope you do too! Merry Christmas!